I went back for midyear this past week (and had a great time with my friends Jamie and Julianna before and after) and it was kind of nice to have the "shoe on the other foot". Instead of being the learners, we were the teachers, instead of the rookie, we were the professionals. It was also nice being back in the place of having people that know me. Equals, I guess. Being a churchworker means that my life is under scrutiny (which is fine, its just a higher standard) and being back with fellow churchworkers is a great chance to just be a normal sinner. I also realized that I'm beginning the life of goodbyes. Now that my best friends are spread to the four corners of the US (and not even the contintental US--I've got a friend in Alaska!)--the times we hang out will consist of preparing to say goodbye. Midyear's the last time we can really gather as students, with no responsibilities (for the most part). The next time we see our friends we'll be using vacation time, or we'll be at work type things. It's just a new definition of friendship. Thank God for the four years we had to develop those friendships. Being back in Seward also helped clarify things about my personal life. For those of you that know me well, you know I've been praying for something for the last 4 months or so, and being in Seward with friends my age and friends that are boys (you wouldn't think it would make a difference but it DOES) better helped me understand myself and what I want in a relationship and in friendships. and thats a good thing. However, I was ready to come back to OKC--the place where I seem to fit the best now--its home to me. and thats a good thing. Attached is the song "painting pictures of egypt" by sara groves: it's a truly beautiful song that kind of tells where I am right now. I don’t want to leave here I don’t want to stay It feels like pinching to me Either way And the places I long for the most Are the places where I’ve been They are calling out to me Like a long lost friend It’s not about losing faith It’s not about trust It’s all about comfortable When you move so much And the place I was wasn’t perfect But I had found a way to live And it wasn’t milk or honey But then neither is this I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt Leaving out what it lacks The future feels so hard And I want to go back But the places that used to fit me Cannot hold the things I’ve learned Those roads were closed off to me While my back was turned The past is so tangible I know it by heart Familiar things are never easy To discard I was dying for some freedom But now I hesitate to go I am caught between the Promise And the things I know I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt Leaving out what it lacks The future feels so hard And I want to go back But the places that used to fit me Cannot hold the things I’ve learned Those roads were closed off to me While my back was turned If it comes too quick I may not appreciate it Is that the reason behind all this time and sand? And if it comes too quick I may not recognize it Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
